Door Handles

I have absolutely no idea what I did to incur the wrath of door handles. I always considered the door handles at home as beautiful specimens of the species and firmly believe I treated them with due respect.

But now I feel that the hatred that door handles have of me has been strengthening its roots for a long time now, and has begun directing all sorts of door handles against me.

It all started on a dull grey Tuesday with me accidentally locking my mother outside, in the balcony, when I was two. I almost repeated the incident when I was three, but this time it involved me sitting inside a locked car, playing with some "random" car keys, while my poor mother desperately kept on trying the door handle.

Then, when I was four, my family shifted to a new house, and all the doors had door locks, along with the dreaded door handles. They were all correctly placed and worked perfectly fine, except for the door lock and door handle of my bathroom door, which had somehow managed to place themselves the wrong way, making them exceptionally hard to manipulate.

I should have known then that door handles and I were not going to be the best of chums.

But I never really realized this until the school trip last year, where I locked myself inside a bathroom (the door handle refused to budge), broke a door handle simply by touching it (I swear to all the gods I believe in that I simply laid one solitary finger on it) and made an entire door rattle violently simply by stepping near it (...). I also have faint recollections of being an active participant in the in the destruction of yet another door handle, but as I am not quite sure of the exact details, I shall not dwell on it any further.

The cupboard containing my clothes has been through its share of suffering as well... my father had to force the door handle back into place with a hammer.

Two weeks ago, I succeeded in completely parting a door handle from its door. I had just turned the door handle when it came off in my hand.

And now the door handle of the front door is showing weaknesses in mechanism.

I'm scared.

  

PS: Maybe it's not just door handles, but doors too. Not to mention the fact that I positively suck at knock-knock jokes.