Plastic Surgery

If some evil, bald megalomaniac with spindly fingers and cracked fingernails and no eyebrows and nostrils like Voldemort and electric-blue eyes ever wanted to kidnap me, I'd probably go ahead and let him do it. I mean, he might perform some plastic surgery on me! And I wouldn't mind, provided he wears latex gloves and a surgical mask to spare my eyes from the terrifying sight that his needle-sharp teeth would be. Not to mention the horrendous gold-plated one. *shiver*

Let me tell you a secret. I actually specifically want him to kidnap me and distort my facial features. Not all of them, just one. Any guesses? My nose? Maybe silicon cheeks for extra springiness? Or my lips, for ensured cheesiness? Nope. I'd rather have him lay his marvelous albeit ugly hands on my ears and let his fingers do the talking. Yes, that's right, my ears.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with them. But then there's absolutely nothing amazing about them either. They're just perfectly normal ears. And something about that bugs me. Even though I can't see them properly myself, even in a mirror.

So, I've been thinking what to do about them. There were a few things that came to mind:

(A) Get huge, flapping elephant ears to keep myself cool in the summer.

(B) Reduce them to the size of a gnat's ears- but no, that would definitely impair my hearing- how would I be able to eavesdrop on the latest gossip or plug in earphones anymore? (Imagine- no Justin Bieber. I would die in a day.)

(C) Maybe have the megalomaniac sprinkle growth-aiding agents over my ears and in a week, they'll be covered with hair and no one will be able to see them. I thought a lot about that one, but then I realized that it's just too disturbing for some to stomach.

But then, I thought some more, and I realized the answer already lay in my heart, ready to be picked up and dusted off. The answer had probably soaked into my consciousness a long while back, when I indulged myself in sci-fi novels and the like. I realized that I wanted ears that were long and pointed at the ends. Like the pixies' ears in Harry Potter, and Elvish ears in Lord of the Rings, and Spock's ears in Star Trek. And then I realized, oh my bookshelves, I'm such a geek. And a nerd. But then I realized, so what? There's nothing wrong in that. And after coming to that realization, I realized, I have never heard of a geek undergoing plastic surgery. It's always beautiful persons trying to enhance their appearances or those with extremely low self-esteem.  (During the course of the rant, I also realized that I realize way too much stuff)

Where do I fit? In neither category.

So perhaps no evil, bald megalomaniac with spindly fingers and cracked fingernails and no eyebrows and nostrils like Voldemort and electric-blue eyes is ever going to kidnap me. The possibilities of a megalomaniac with blood-red eyes kidnapping me are quite low as well.

Oh my gods, I can't believe that my beautiful dreams floated away like a poofy cloud which is about to vanish with a poof! in the few minutes that it took for me to write this. So basically, all that is never going to happen, and I just wasted 3, or was it 4 minutes, of your life telling you all about my hopeless dream. Thank you for wasting your time.